On December 20th, as a special holiday present for our incredible Patreon supporters (Join up today at Patreon.com/NerdBlitzPod), we will be releasing the third prequel story, written by Doom, to our long running D&D campaign!
But you good readers here on the site aren’t to be left out in the cold, today you get the title reveal and the first chapter to preview!
Hidden Talents: A Knights Of Nerd Blitz-Dom Tale
Chapter 1
The crowd was quieter than a cursed graveyard as the self-proclaimed comedian trudged into the sixth minute of his ten minute set.
“I mean, I just don’t get it. Like, why does every food stand have to sell giant turkey legs?” He said in a bombastic voice as the crowd murmured and shifted uncomfortably.
Standing on the side of the stage, Finius Fuckwhistle tried to be sympathetic to the man, but his painfully unfunny material made that difficult. And that was saying a lot for a man who’d had his entire family murdered and a curse lain upon his ancestral home land.
The comedian stood there blankly for a moment before he cleared his throat. “So what’s the deal with all these Gnoll attacks? Can’t we just have a regular Gnoll?” He asked with a broad smile.
Finius turned and pushed through the curtain to the backstage area. The place was abuzz with other performers running through their routines just one more time before their turn on stage. Finius passed spell slingers and illusionists of all types, as well as singers, animal handlers, ventriloquists, and even a mime. When Finius had been hired as security for this travelling talent competition he prepared himself to see some oddballs, but this was somehow even odder than he’d expected.
Finius could hear the comedian building up to his final groans, or rather, jokes as he made his way through the dressing rooms and toward the promoter’s office. He knocked on the door with the hand written “Golfin Tolfar” sign on it and heard a grunt that he could only guess was an indication to enter. Turning the knob, he entered a cluttered office that should have been respectable if not for the shiny baubles, old posters, and other assorted crap that was piled from floor to ceiling.
“What have you found so far, Fucker?” The little old goblin asked.
“It’s Fuckwhistle,” Finius told the goblin for what had to have been the eighth time since they met earlier in the week. “And nothing so far. I really don’t understand why you’re so worried, Mr. Tolfar.”
“Everytime I come to the south end of the continent, some shitbag tries to screw up the show. Acts going wrong, gear being stolen from the contestants and crew. I know one of these ‘contestants’ is a plant, I can feel it in my baubles.” Golfin said, rubbing his earring.
“Gross.” Finius said before he could stop himself.
“What’s that, boy?” Tolfar asked.
“Nothin’.” The red scaled Dragonborn quietly said before quickly moving on. “I was thinkin’ maybe I should pose as a contestant myself, be a plant for you, so I can mingle with the legit ones a bit more inconspicuously. I keep getting the stink eye, and I think it’s because I’m here as a sort of lawman.”
“Oh, then I could declare you the winner and save a bit of gold by not paying you and a winner! I like the way you think, Fucker. I’ll mock up an entry form for you right now.” Tolfar said excitedly as he grabbed a sheet of parchment.
“What? No! I’m not really gonna perform, I don’t have a skill like that.” Fuckwhistle said with exasperation.
“You better make one up or figure out who keeps trying to fuck me over, cause you stepped in it now, boy.” The goblin said jumping up and pushing Finius out the door.
Before he knew what happened the office door slammed and locked behind him. Now he could always kick the door in and “convince” Golfin Tolfar to not scam the other contestants, but he was trying to not be as gruff as he had in the past.
“Son of a bitch, shoulda kept my godsdamned mouth shut.” Finius said as he walked back toward the stage to watch the comedian finish dying today.
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